I want to commit suicide. Will I go to hell? I suffer from a brain tumor and because of it I have seizures. Stress triggers my seizures and makes my headaches worse I am in a marriage where I have only two children but it’s like I have three my husband expects me to do everything like waking him up for jumma because he has been awake all night watching television instead of sleeping. Passing him something which is in his reach. I am constantly being put down and made out like I am unworthy I don’t want to live anymore. I just want to end my life I have been told that my kids don’t need their mother and that whatever I have done and do they will forget. I know hat it is haram to commit suicide but I am really depressed and I really feel like I have no1 to turn to I have been praying but I don’t think it is going to help me will Allah have mercy on me based on my circumstances if I end my life.
In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Sister in Islam,
May Allah grant you complete Shifa and eliminate your difficulties. Aameen.
It is evident that you understand the severity and gravity of suicide, hence, you enquire, “…will I go to hell?”Suicide is explicitly haram regardless of the challenges and situations of an individual. The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) has mentioned:
مَنْ تَرَدَّى مِنْ جَبَلٍ فَقَتَلَ نَفْسَهُ، فَهْوَ فِي نَارِ جَهَنَّمَ، يَتَرَدَّى فِيهِ خَالِدًا مُخَلَّدًا فِيهَا أَبَدًا، وَمَنْ تَحَسَّى سَمًّا فَقَتَلَ نَفْسَهُ، فَسَمُّهُ فِي يَدِهِ، يَتَحَسَّاهُ فِي نَارِ جَهَنَّمَ خَالِدًا مُخَلَّدًا فِيهَا أَبَدًا، وَمَنْ قَتَلَ نَفْسَهُ بِحَدِيدَةٍ، فَحَدِيدَتُهُ فِي يَدِهِ، يَجَأُ بِهَا فِي بَطْنِهِ فِي نَارِ جَهَنَّمَ خَالِدًا مُخَلَّدًا فِيهَا أَبَدًا (رواه البخاري:5778)
Translation: Whoever purposely throws himself from a mountain and kills himself, will be in the (Hell) Fire falling down into it and abiding therein perpetually forever; and whoever drinks poison and kills himself with it, he will be carrying his poison in his hand and drinking it in the (Hell) Fire wherein he will abide eternally forever; and whoever kills himself with an iron weapon, will be carrying that weapon in his hand and stabbing his `Abdomen with it in the (Hell) Fire wherein he will abide eternally forever. (Al-Bukhari: 5778)
Suicide is merely a temporary fix.This world is a temporary place and as such, the difficulties and joys of this world are also temporary. The hereafter is permanent, and the joys and difficulties of the hereafter are permanent.Any person of insight would not jeopardize his/her permanent abode for something temporary.
As Muslims, we believe that our lives in this world are a test. Allah Ta’ala states in the Qur’an:
وَلَنَبْلُوَنَّكُمْ بِشَيْءٍ مِنَ الْخَوْفِ وَالْجُوعِ وَنَقْصٍ مِنَ الْأَمْوَالِ وَالْأَنْفُسِ وَالثَّمَرَاتِ (البقرة:155)
Translation: Verily we will test you with fear, hunger, and by decrease in wealth, lives, and fruit crops. (Al-Baqarah:155)
Calamities are a part of the natural order of things and everyone is faced by it. The most beloved person to Allah, our beloved Prophet Muhammed (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) was also not exempt from the difficulties of this world. However, the attitude of a Muslim regarding difficulties and calamities is different from that of the disbelievers. Consider the following points.
1) Calamities are a means of forgiving our sins and a means to increase our ranks. The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) has mentioned:
مَا يُصِيبُ الْمُؤْمِنَ مِنْ وَصَبٍ، وَلَا نَصَبٍ، وَلَا سَقَمٍ، وَلَا حَزَنٍ حَتَّى الْهَمِّ يُهَمُّهُ، إِلَّا كُفِّرَ بِهِ مِنْ سَيِّئَاتِهِ (رواه مسلم:4798)
Translation: No pain, hardship, sickness or grief befalls a Muslim, not even worry that
befalls him, but some of his bad deeds will be expiated.(Muslim: 4798)
2) Calamities are a means of our status being elevated in the hereafter. When one sees the reward of his suffering in the hereafter, he will forget all his sufferings in the world. The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) has mentioned:
يؤتى بأنعم أهل الدنيا من أهل النار يوم القيامة، فيصبغ في النار صبغة، ثم يقال: يا ابن آدم هل رأيت خيراً قط؟ هل مر بك نعيم قط؟ فيقول: لا والله يا رب. ويؤتى بأشد الناس بؤساً في الدنياً من أهل الجنة، فيصبغ صبغة في الجنة، فيقال له: يا ابن آدم هل رأيت بؤساً قط؟ هل مربك شدة قط؟ فيقول: لا، والله، ما مر بى بؤس قط، ولا رأيت شدة قط (رواه مسلم:5150)
Translation:Among the inmates of Hell, a person who had led the most luxurious life in this world will be brought up on the Day of Resurrection and dipped in the Fire and will be asked: ‘O son of Adam! Did you ever experience any comfort? Did you happen to get any luxury?’ He will reply: ‘By Allah, no, my Rubb.’ And then one of the people of Jannah who had experienced extreme misery in the life of this world will be dipped in Jannah. Then he will be asked: ‘O son of Adam! Did you ever experience any misery? Did you ever encounter difficulty?’ He will say: “By Allah, no my Rubb, I neither experienced misery nor passed through hardship. (Muslim:5150)
3) It is important to understand that Allah will never test us beyond our ability to bear difficulties. This is understood from the following verse:
لا يكلف الله نفسا الا وسعها (البقرة: 286)
Translation: Allah burdens not a person beyond his capability. (Al-Baqarah: 286)
Every challenge that you refer to is decreed by Allah, Al-Hakeem (the most wise). He knows why he has put you in this situation. Be rest assured that you have the ability to deal with all the challenges you are facing.
4) You have stated in your query that you do not feel as though Allah can help you. You should correct your thoughts about Allah. Allah has power and ability over everything. Place your conviction in Allah and continue asking him for relief. If Allah grants relief that is a bounty of his decree. If he decrees otherwise, that is His wisdom. Consider the example of Ayoub (Alaihis Salam).
Allah tested Ayoub (Alaihis Salam) by taking away everything he had to such an extent that even his health was taken away from him. Every single limb of Ayub (Alaihi Salam) was affected from disease except his tongue and his heart through which he would remember Allah Taala.
Difficulties worsened to such an extent that people cut their ties with him due to his illness and had him expelled from the city to a place outside the city. The only person that was there to support him was his wife.
Despite all the difficulties, Ayoub (Alaihis Salam) was patient, persevering, and grateful. He was also constantly engrossed in the remembrance of Allah Taala day and night. It was after years of forbearance and difficulty that Ayoub (Alaihsi Salams) wife told him “Oh Ayoub why don’t you ask Allah to help you”. He replied “I lived for seventy years in prosperity why shouldn’t I be patient for the sake of Allah for seventy years.” It was after this that Ayoub (Alaihi Salam) made the following dua which is in the Quraan:
وَأَيُّوبَ إِذْ نَادَىٰ رَبَّهُ أَنِّي مَسَّنِيَ الضُّرُّ وَأَنْتَ أَرْحَمُ الرَّاحِمِينَ (الأنبياء:83)
Translation:And Ayoub (Alaihi Assalam) when he called to his Lord: ‘Affliction has befallen me, and You are the Most Merciful of the merciful.’ (Ambiya: 83)
After which Allah cured him from his illness and brought him back to his original state.
5) While our difficulties may be intensely challenging, there are people who face worse intensities. By way of example, there are countless attacks on the people of Idlib . They flee their homes without any clothes and food.They are left on the open ground with snow and frost around them. Despite such a challenging situation, they are still attempting to survive and make sabr.
Thus, in the time of difficulty it is important to try to stay positive. Here are some ways:
a) Be optimistic and try to change your paradigm. Do not view these difficulties as a punishment, but rather as a means of cleansing and reward.
b) You are a special creation of Allah. You are created by the will of Allah. Allah’s focus was directed on you, hence, your existence. Value your existence and love yourself. Do not depend on someone’s love for you.
c) Dispel any thoughts of negativity and do not let yourself dwell on them.
d) Regard every day as a new day and opportunity. Do not let that which occurred in previous days affect your emotions on a new day.
e) Identify the positive things that occur in your day and focus your attention on them. Spend time being grateful for those things.
f) Obtain a copy of Qaseedah Burdah by my honourable teacher, Mufti Ebrahim Desai Saheb (Hafizahullah) for spiritual revival and motivation. You may also listen to it
We understand that many of your issues relate to your spouse and his treatment towards you. We recommend that you take up the issue with a senior influential member of the family and a local Imam so that they can address these issues with him. Should this be of no avail, please consider marriage counselling.