I am passing through a very painful period of my life. My age is 40. I am educated and working on a good position. When I was the age of 17, I was experiencing some bad thoughts, insinuating whispers and waswas. I tried my level best to be normal but it was all in vain. I used to weep and crying when alone. With the passage of time, the situation has become more worsened for me. I can’t describe as to how I passed these 27 yrs of life in severe pain.
I am humble and submissive, pray daily prayers recite the Holy Quran, doing Zikr and recite at least 500to 1000 Darood Shareef daily. I have become too much fed up of life due to these devilish and bad thoughts. Negative thoughts come across my mind all of a sudden for worthy personalities. I m really ashamed of such things. With the passage of time, these bad thoughts have been converted into OCD. Although I have never spoken these thoughts, yet sometime I am compelled to utter it to myself and then I abuse and curse myself.
I love my ALLAH and Prophet too much. My religious and social life has become a BIG ZERO. I pray one Namaz for hrs again and again to complete without these bad thoughts but all in vain. I have become senseless. I have lost everything in life . For every positive thing and conversation, there comes a different negative thing to my mind.
I weep and cry to my ALLAH daily. I want to die than to have these thoughts
I have been for UMRA 02 times. I wept and cried in the house of ALLAH and in front of Roza e Paak in Medina but still same situation.
I want to share with you a Dream with you as well. It happens so many times that whenever I wept and cried to my ALLAH and Beloved Prophet (PBUH), so I saw the Holy Kaaba or Masjid Nabawi in Dream. Then I become a bit satisfied that I m innocent.
DREAM…. One night I sat down in front of the Holy name of my beloved prophet Muhammad (PBUH) which was fixed on wall, I wept and cried to my Prophet name to save me otherwise I would have been killed by these thoughts. I saw a Dream that my Holy Prophet (SAW) is standing and I m sitting with his legs. He raised his left leg and I tried to catch and touch his leg while weeping and at that very time, I woke up from dream. Pls interpret my dream. This dream is the golden moment of my life.
Please let me know whether I will be rewarded by ALLAH PAAK for fighting these thoughts?
Should I pray Namaz only once even with these thoughts? People laugh at me y I m praying for so long time.
Pls help me and pray for me. i m always supportive for people.
In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Brother in Islam,
You have our deepest sympathies in these troubling times. May Allah expel such thoughts from your mind and alleviate you from this predicament you are being faced with.
Allah Ta’ala says:
إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا(94:6)
Translation: “Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.”
Allah Ta’ala is well aware that you experienced much difficulty with your OCD. You made lots of Du’a and Zikr. Nothing is in vain. It is the Barakah of your Du’a and Zikr that Allah blessed you with such a Mubarak and blessed dream with a solution to your problem.
Indeed, the vision of Rasulullah Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam is your golden moment of life. Value it and appreciate it. The raising of the leg of Rasulullah Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam is an indication to kick the bad thoughts away and never to entertain them.
Accordingly, our advice is you seek medical treatment for your OCD. There are many people who experience similar problems and get medical treatment. Also adopt a kick away attitude towards the evil thoughts. Don’t exert yourself which such thoughts as that will probably go against the advice given to you in the dream by Rasulullah Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam. If you start kicking away such thoughts and discard them, that is the beginning of your cure and road to peace.
We make Du’a that Allah grant you complete Shifa and ease all your affairs. Ameen
We also advise you to listen to the following discourse delivered by my honourable teacher, Mufti Ebrahim Desai Hafizahullah, in regards to dealing with Waswasah:
You may also read the following book: Combating the Whisperings of Shaitan by Shaykh Yunus Patel (Rahimahullaah) for effective methods on dealing with Waswasah.